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Where’s the Umph?

June 8, 2009

Cactus Club

While out with the Nacho Patrol, it is often prudent to sample margaritas. This is the case for three important reasons:

1) Tequila makes bad nachos go down better.

2) Where thar be Mex-mix, thar be taqs afoot! (Or something.)

3) I can solicit the opinions of (usually) less drunken, equally judgmental critics who tend to have a better memory than I.

I will preface this review only by saying that their website is bestmargarita.com.

Round 1: Traditional Margarita

I don't think the buffalo really liked it, either.

I don't think the buffalo really liked it, either.

Ingredients: “homemade” tequila mix (they seem really proud of themselves) and an unspecified type of tequila. It didn’t matter, you couldn’t taste the tequila anyway. D

Alcohol Content: Admittedly, I’m no alcohol virgin, but I kept finding myself asking of the tequila, “is… is it in yet?” D

Flavor: While Fun Dip is delicious, at this stage in my life I prefer booze with my sugar. D

Size: Huge. But it’ll all go straight to your hips, not to your head. A

Cost: $8. Pixi Stix are only 25 cents. D

Overall: D+ marg badmargbadmargbadmargbadmarg

Round 2: Platinum Margarita

Child's play. That's referring to Skyler's moose antlers AND the margarita's alcohol content.

Child's play. That's referring to Skyler's moose antlers AND the margarita's alcohol content.

Ingredients: Sauza, lime juice, Triple Sec, lemonade. Sounds amazing, right? The proportions were backward, but I’ll acknowledge the effort. B

Alcohol Content: Again, lacking. They DID check my ID, so I’m pretty sure they weren’t leaving out the booze. D

Flavor: If I’d wanted a plain lemonade, I would have ordered one. D

Size: Again, huge. A

Cost $9. If I’m spending $9 on a lemonade, it’d better be at Fenway. D

Overall: C  margmargbadmargbadmargbadmarg

Round 3: Sangria

At least this one LOOKED pretty.

At least this one LOOKED pretty.

This doesn’t belong in a margarita review, but I thought I’d mention it. I’m a super-picky wine person, so I tend to hate the bitter aftertaste of the cheap wine used to make most sangria. This was much fruitier than most sangria, and therefore less winey, but it clearly had added sugar and was way too sweet. It would have made a satisfactory dessert split between two people.

In summary, I’m suing Cactus Club for rights to their web domain.

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