Tamarind Bay: Hey, Bay-Bay!

Tamarind Bay is a Washington Square Indian Bistro with a bar consisting of exactly three stools. They’re next to the door, so don’t go during a blizzard. But you should definitely check out their Mangalore Margarita. It’s zesty and light and finds an interesting mix of ingredients to support the tequila.

Ingredients: house tequila, Pama Liqueur, Cointreau, ginger extract, lime juice. There were actually particles of lime in the beverage! That’s the way to get a good ingredient score. House tequila was even decent. A

Flavor: delightful! The Pama and tequila made a really nice, complementary combination. Your taste buds will think it’s their birthday. A

Alcohol Content: average, and tastefully done. B+

Size: You’ll be wanting a bottomless glass. But we can’t fault them for that. B+

Price: $8.50. Not bad for a Bean Town Bev. B+

Overall: A-

Washington Square Tavern: Big-Ass Tavern Fail

I don’t mean for the title to be crude. The Washington Square Tavern’s margarita is literally called the Big-Ass Tavern Margarita. And it fails.

Ingredients: Sauza, Cointreau, and sour mix. Yes, sour mix. I don’t care that the menu says “fresh squeezed lime juice,” because that’s a big-ass lie. Your cheeks won’t un-puck from the sourness until long after this unsatisfying experience. I’ve never given an F in this blog before, but, for lying on their drink menu, WST gets to be the first. F

Flavor: No. D

Alcohol content: My taste buds looked, but–most likely for the sour mix–could not find one drop of tequila in this beverage. Cointreau, oddly, manages to stand out a bit. C

Size: Not “Big-Ass” in my opinion, but still pretty sizable. A

Price: $10.50. I just about cried. D

Overall: D+

Sunset Puts the Lime in the Coconut!

Semesters are a terrible time for all things tequila. But in the academic off-season, the ‘Trollers head to the nearest cantina for 150 tequila options. That means 150 different proofs, manufacturers, and flavors.  Two in particular, the lime-flavored and the coconut-flavored, combine for a fantabulous post-semester relaxant.

Ingredients: Lime & coconut flavored tequilas. The result is a creamy, luscious blend fit for a tropical titillation. A

Alcohol content: Unfortunately, a little low. I’m pretty sure the flavorful goodness don’t excuse watered-down, less-than-70-proof bastardizations of our good liquor. D

Flavor: DELICIOUS. It’s a $7 trip to Bermuda. A

Size: Pretty average, but served in a cactus glass. B

Price: $7, not too shabby for a place that could charge more. B

Overall: B+

Where’s the Umph?

Cactus Club

While out with the Nacho Patrol, it is often prudent to sample margaritas. This is the case for three important reasons:

1) Tequila makes bad nachos go down better.

2) Where thar be Mex-mix, thar be taqs afoot! (Or something.)

3) I can solicit the opinions of (usually) less drunken, equally judgmental critics who tend to have a better memory than I.

I will preface this review only by saying that their website is bestmargarita.com.

Round 1: Traditional Margarita

I don't think the buffalo really liked it, either.

Ingredients: “homemade” tequila mix (they seem really proud of themselves) and an unspecified type of tequila. It didn’t matter, you couldn’t taste the tequila anyway. D

Alcohol Content: Admittedly, I’m no alcohol virgin, but I kept finding myself asking of the tequila, “is… is it in yet?” D

Flavor: While Fun Dip is delicious, at this stage in my life I prefer booze with my sugar. D

Size: Huge. But it’ll all go straight to your hips, not to your head. A

Cost: $8. Pixi Stix are only 25 cents. D

Overall: D+

Round 2: Platinum Margarita

Child's play. That's referring to Skyler's moose antlers AND the margarita's alcohol content.

Ingredients: Sauza, lime juice, Triple Sec, lemonade. Sounds amazing, right? The proportions were backward, but I’ll acknowledge the effort. B

Alcohol Content: Again, lacking. They DID check my ID, so I’m pretty sure they weren’t leaving out the booze. D

Flavor: If I’d wanted a plain lemonade, I would have ordered one. D

Size: Again, huge. A

Cost $9. If I’m spending $9 on a lemonade, it’d better be at Fenway. D

Overall: C 

Round 3: Sangria

At least this one LOOKED pretty.

This doesn’t belong in a margarita review, but I thought I’d mention it. I’m a super-picky wine person, so I tend to hate the bitter aftertaste of the cheap wine used to make most sangria. This was much fruitier than most sangria, and therefore less winey, but it clearly had added sugar and was way too sweet. It would have made a satisfactory dessert split between two people.

In summary, I’m suing Cactus Club for rights to their web domain.

Bewitched by a Lobster

Lobstertini!

After a long day at the beach, nothing sounds better than fried shrimp, crab cakes, and… lobstertinis? In search of a road-side fish hut, two sun-burnt adventurers wandered over to Lobster Shanty, Salem. They did have a margarita, but the phrase “garnished with a lobster claw” averted my eyes to this Lobstertini. Beyond being a really fun photo piece and reminding me of Nacho Patroller Skyler’s affinity for infusing meat into alcohol, the martini was an interesting experience.

Ingredients: “Lobster-infused martini served with a twist of lemon and garnished with a lobster claw.” It tastes like a dirty martini, a little spicy. They make it exactly how you’d want your regular martini, with any gin or vodka you desire, and then they throw in some lobster. It’s a nice complement to your seafood meal if your taste buds are not prone to getting overfished. The “as you like it” aspect is very appealing.  A

Alcohol Content: Like any good martini, it’s mostly booze. A

Flavor: This is tough, but I decidedly prefer my alcohol vegetarian. D

Size: A little tiny. I know lobster is expensive, but come on…  B

Cost: $10. The food was overpriced as well. They have a Salem rent, and I respect that. But $10 drinks is a stretch outside of Boston. C

Overall: B-   

Not bad for a martini finding it’s way onto a marg blog

Yield: Tequila Crossing

Total eclipse of the marg.

It seems in every 80s movie, an ugly duckling chick magically blossoms at her high school prom after a couple of hours of sitting by the punch table. In Boston, Spring is that chick, and we Bostonians are the audience, grumpy from having to listen to twangy awkwardly amplified monster ballads and anxious for Baby to get the f*$! out of that corner. Once Spring has decidedly sprung, we flock to the Charles like its current is free beer. After your next frolic to Old Chuck, drop in to Crossroads on the Boston side of the Mass Ave bridge, take a load off, and whet your whistle with a very delightful margarita.

I’d also like to note that as a general rule, I’ve found that places that pour a mean beer cannot stir up a good ‘rita. Crossroads is known for their extensive beer list and I was very pleasantly surprised that this Irish pub really knew its tequila. Props on breaking stereotypes!

Ingredients: I’ve checked my holy (emphasis on holes) memory bank and come up empty. I vaguely remember a sugar-coated rim. Yum!

Alcohol Content: Dayum. A

Flavor: If Spring is a chick at prom, tequila is the sexy, exciting dress she wears (if only we could get away with wearing nothing but tequila all Spring), and all the other ingredients are there to show it off. This ‘Roads margarita did just that–the tequila was dressed to the nines for a flavorful, memorable beverage. A

Size: Leaves you wanting oh, so much more! B

Cost: I have no idea what they charged me. That’s a damn good sign. A-

Overall: A-

Post-script: I found this image in my iPhone the next day–a further clue to what may have caused my sudden, totally unexpected memory loss:

Wherever there is injustice, you will find us. Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there. Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find... the Three Amigos!

Chili’s, Because I Had to Start Somewhere

If Mexicans were midgets, this margarita might be fitting.

In our malls and in our hearts for their predictable, delectable, high saturated fat content queso dip, Chili’s drew me in one Spring Break Saturday to constitute my first review! They have a number of margaritas (Teri-yaki, who is in the process of being recruited as a contributor, much enjoys the “Tropical Sunrise” margarita), but I fell for the super-large picture of the “Presidente.”

Ingredients: Sauza, Contreau, Brandy, ICE.

Alcohol Content: It was there, but definitely cut with water/ice. C

Flavor: Non-discript, not unique, watered down from copious amounts of ice. D

Size: “El Presidente” is served in a tiny martini glass with a plastic shaker full of margarita. It’s actually a decent amount of marg, but… why the shaker? Why not put the whole thing in the same enormous marg glass they put their other margs in? Very confusing, but doesn’t really detract from the volume you get. B-

Cost: At $7, this is one of the cheapest things on the menu. Sad. They also didn’t honor our $2 off deal from Monster Golf. Bastards. C+

Overall: C+

A Tale of Bastardization and Need

This is the story of how Margarita Corner came to be. Maybe you’ll laugh; maybe you’ll cry; maybe you’ll put down your margarita and go do something else. But ’tis a tale which must be told.

The year was 2009. The setting was Nachopalooza, Spring Break Edition, Brookline, hosted by NachoPatrol in honor of patroller Skyler’s 22nd trip around the sun. The nachos were baking, the cards were delicately laid for Kings Cup, and Patroller Andi had an epiphany. Or maybe she just blurted it out on accident. But I rolled with it. And from those three little words, “Smash’s Margarita Corner,” Smash A. Rita was born, complete with her very own margarita-rating blog, was born.

Wherever nachos are patrolled… as long as they have margaritas, and as long as I’m invited, and as long as it isn’t somewhere from which I have been perma-banned… Smash A. Rita will sacrifice her brain cells in her quest to find you the best margarita… EVER. (In Boston. Maybe.)